Most of us have experienced times when things came easily to others but were difficult for us—maybe in school our classmates were solving for X when we were still trying to figure out why anyone cared! (I still don’t know why anyone cares!)  Maybe all our friends had their licenses and we still found ourselves petrified at the thought of getting behind the wheel. Or maybe as young parents, our friends were enjoying their infants while our babies squalled all day and all night. Whatever the reason, how do we deal with the feeling of being a failure while others succeed? How do we find the courage to try one more time? I want to share our daughter, Angi’s, story from the Diary of a Slow Starter*…

May 15, 1989 – Today I celebrated my sixteenth birthday. Most of my friends are excited about learning to drive, but the stick shift on our VW Golf scares me silly. I don’t know if I’ll even bother to get my permit.

May 22, 1989 – My friends talked me into getting my permit. Passing the permit test was easy compared to trying to coax our little, almost-yellow car into the next gear. To make matters worse, Robbie already has his license. How can we be twins and be so different? He’s driving to Dairy Queen and the mall while I’m still stalling in the driveway.

September 18, 1989 – I know I’ll never be able to drive this car, but we renewed my permit today in case I get brave.

January 15, 1990 – This is getting embarrassing. I’m so sick of explaining why I don’t have my license and so sick of depending on other people to take me where I want to go. I keep renewing my permit even though I know there’s no way I’m going to drive this car in the snow.

May 21, 1990 – I have hope. We got a second car with an automatic shift. At last I’ll be able to drive. No more depending on my family and friends to run simple errands for me. I can be independent just as soon as I get that little piece of paper in my hand. I’m between permits right now (waiting for my fourth one), but it should be here soon.

May 31, 1990 – My permit came a couple days ago, and I’ve been driving everywhere—making up for lost time. I’ve almost got Dad and Mom convinced I’m ready to take my test.

June 4, 1990 – I took my driver’s test today. I was a nervous wreck. I guess God knew I wasn’t ready to be a licensed driver yet. I begged Him to help me pass, but I failed. How will I ever find the courage to try again? Maybe I’ll be asking people to drive me around for the rest of my life.

September 24, 1990 – Tomorrow is the last day I can take my test on this permit. I wanted to make sure I was ready this time. If I fail, I’ll have to retake the permit test since this is my fourth permit. I’m so scared. I probably won’t sleep a wink tonight.

September 25, 1990 A.M. Last night when I couldn’t sleep, I started to pray. Philippians 4:13 came to my mind, “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” I knew that verse was from God and that all my fear was from Satan. I can pass my driver’s test. With the words of that verse running through my mind, I finally fell asleep. This morning I felt much calmer, but I looked up another reference on fear for good measure. “Because the Lord is at my right hand, I will not be shaken” (Psalm 16:8). Wow! God is going to sit at my right hand today while I take this test. What more could I want? I’m not 100 percent calm, but I’m not nearly as nervous as I was the last time.

September 25, 1990 P.M. – All the way to the police station, I kept repeating, “I can do all things through Christ… I can do all things through Christ…” At the barracks when Office Peters got in beside me, I whispered, “The Lord is at my right hand…”

I whizzed through the course like a pro. This time I knew I’d passed. When the officer said, “Park it next to the curb, Angi,” I confidently pulled up to the curb.

“Park it completely,” he said sternly. I put the car in “park.”

“Completely, Angi.”

My confidence was fading fast. What did the man want? I turned the car off, but the officer was still looking at me expectantly. “The Lord is at my right hand.” I prayed frantically. “God what does he want me to do?”

Then I saw it: the emergency brake. I’d never used it in my life, but I yanked on it hard. Almost holding my breath, I forced myself to look at Officer Peters. He nodded, and I breathed again. I had passed! “Take your permit in, and the officer at the desk will stamp it for you,” Those were the most beautiful words I’d ever heard.

I wanted to shout, but instead I whispered, “Thanks, Lord, for being at my right hand. I can do all things through You.”

What things in your life leave you feeling defeated and unable to find the courage to try one more time?  Anne Graham Lotz says, “What problem are you facing that’s bigger than you? …Focus on who God is—then look at your problems. He puts things into proper perspective. Because there’s nothing you face—not a big debt, or big job, or big fear that’s bigger than He is or beyond His power to change!”

Father, whatever problem we face, help us remember that because you are at our right hand, we will not be shaken. We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Amen

 *Diary of a Slow Starter as told to Daisy Townsend Copyright 1995