Last Sunday, Sarah came to church with us but said, “No,” when I asked if she wanted to go to Children’s Church. When I asked why, she started to cry. I took her out to the lobby, which was empty, so I could talk to her. I had to ask more than once, but eventually she said, between sobs, “I miss my Daddy!”

I pulled her up on my lap and said, “I’m so sorry, Sweetie.” I felt so helpless. It had been a while since she talked about missing her daddy, but when I asked what caused her to start thinking about him, she had no answer.

Finally, after Sarah had cried for a while, I said, “Sweetie, your daddy wouldn’t want you to be sad. He’d want you to enjoy your life and be happy.”

More sobs.

Eventually I asked, “Does it help to talk about fun times you had together or does that just make it worse?”

“It makes it worse.”

When Sarah finally stopped crying but still didn’t want to go to Children’s Church, which I thought might help distract her, we went back into the sanctuary. It was hard for me to concentrate on the service.

The next day, I got a message from Facebook saying I had seven days to download my old Facebook Live videos if I hadn’t done so already. I wasn’t sure what live videos I had, so I clicked on a link to see my activity.

To my amazement, the only live video was of our son, Robb’s, Celebration of Life service. I didn’t know it still existed on Facebook, but I clicked on the link. The entire service was there, beginning during the visitation hours. During that time, the video ran pictures of Robb and Angi and the family from their birth until more recent years. The baby/toddler years had pictures of Robb and Angi as infants in the background as the other pictures came and went.

I was mesmerized. We were talking to people during the visitation hours with our backs to the pictures so I hadn’t seen the presentation. I don’t know who put it together or where they got the pictures. It was an amazing photo presentation and I wiped tears often as I watched, especially the photos of Robb with his twin sister, Angi, and the ones with his children who all miss him so much.

At last the visitation ended and the service began, and again I wept often because of the loving, tender way the senior pastor and the worship pastor spoke of Robb and directed kind or humorous remarks to us. Robb had attended that church for many years before Covid.

Later someone, maybe his wife, Leslie, said she’d been to many funerals where it was clear that the pastors didn’t know the person who’d died, but it had been clear to her that these pastors knew Robb well. (In defense of pastors, sometimes ministers are called on to lead funeral services for people they’ve never met or who seldom came to church.)

Leslie was absolutely right. It was so clear that Pastor Kent and Pastor Greg knew Robb well and loved him and all the family. (Pastor Kent had come to hospice house and sat with the family for over an hour when Robb neared the end of his life.)

The video of the service also included the remarks of people who spoke about Robb when given the opportunity. When I spoke at the end of that time, Sarah came and whispered something to me. “She wants to speak into the microphone,” I said. When I held the microphone to her mouth, she said, “Hello.” Then she climbed on Papa’s lap while I finished speaking.

Pastor Greg, the worship pastor with whom Robb had a special relationship, did a wonderful job of leading worship, including some of Robb’s favorite songs. From the time he was a little boy, Robb’s favorite hymn was It Is Well With My Soul, which he asked for at every hymn sing. (I don’t remember this, but apparently, he was asking for it so often that sometimes we wouldn’t let him ask for that song. We didn’t know until Angi told us around the time of his death that they had an agreement that if we wouldn’t let Robb ask for It Is Well, she would ask for it!)

Robb had told us more than once, “I wish you could hear Pastor Greg’s special version of It Is Well. It’s the best!” Pastor Greg shared at the Celebration of Life service that when Robb was in a coma, we called Pastor Greg from hospice house to ask if he would do that song over the phone, believing that Robb might still be able to hear it. So Robb’s wish was granted that day and also at the service celebrating his life.

Everything I did after finding the video on Monday morning, I carried my IPad with me, not wanting to miss a moment of this video which I had no idea still existed. (I was able to get a reprieve from Facebook so that I have until sometime in August to figure out how to save the video on another device.)

The timing of me finding the video– the day after Sarah was missing her daddy– makes me believe that when her mama approves, the video may be a special comfort to her since she was only four years old when the service took place.

The truth that carried me through Robb’s illness and death was that God knows what He’s doing, and He doesn’t make mistakes. However, his children didn’t have the benefit of having walked with the Lord for 61 years as I did when Robb died. But I pray that this video might be one of the ways that God comforts them when the time is right.

Heavenly Father, thank you that you are the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our troubles (II Corinthians 1:3) when our sorrows become too much for us to bear. Thank you for making me aware of this meaningful video that was such a blessing to me. Give us wisdom to know when it might be used to comfort our son’s grieving children. Amen.  

Robb and his two sons, Connor and Zack ; Robb’s niece, Joy; daughter Sarah; son Connor