The other day I wrote in my journal, “It’s always true that the ones we love most have the power to hurt us most.” I was tempted, not for the first time, to stop “pouring myself out” for those I love. Then I looked at the reference for my prayer promise for the day, John 3:16. I didn’t even need to look that one up… “For God so loved the world that He gave…” I stopped. If anyone knows that the ones you love most have the power to hurt you most, it’s God. He gave the ones He loved most (us) the very best He had (Jesus), and His heart was broken by our response.

John tells us, “(Jesus) came to His own and His own received Him not,” (John 1:11) and Isaiah says, “He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care” (Isaiah 53:3). Jesus understands what it’s like to be hurt by those for whom He has “poured Himself out,” but He never stopped loving and never stopped giving.

But, you may say, how can I go on loving and giving to those who’ve broken my heart? There’s only one key I’ve found to doing that… forgiveness. Every unforgiven act makes loving the person who’s committed that act more difficult. Forgiving doesn’t come easily for me; and I do it only by the grace of Jesus who said as He hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” I’ve cried out many times when I think I cannot forgive offenses small in comparison to being hung on a cross, “Jesus, love through me and forgive through me because I can’t do it on my own. Heal my broken heart and enable me to go on loving and giving.”

We were humbled as we watched one of our granddaughters over the past several months. Regardless of how she’d been treated, she went on treating the person well who’d mistreated her. Time after time, she “made every effort to live at peace” and made every effort to “overcome evil with good.” It was an object lesson we won’t soon forget. This isn’t about what we “feel” like doing, this is about choices we make.

The other day we were talking about forgiveness with one of our grandsons who was reluctant to apologize. I said, “How do you think Papa and I have managed to stay married for 46 1/2 years? It’s because we’ve gotten good at saying we’re sorry and good at forgiving. We’d like to help you get good at it too.” (Please don’t take this as an encouragement to stay in abusive situations where you’re being endangered physically and mentally by treatment from someone you love. Forgiveness does not constitute reconciliation in every case. There are times when we may need to separate ourselves from people, even while continuing to love and forgive.)

In this season of giving, forgiveness is the best gift you can offer those who’ve hurt you. Forgiving others is also the best gift you can give yourself. “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone…See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:14-15) Refusing to forgive leads to bitterness which leads to all kinds of spiritual, emotional, and physical problems, defiling others and you. The Apostle Paul wrote, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” You can’t do someone else’s part but you choose to do your own.”

“It is hard to realize that the people we love are the ones who can hurt us the most–but forgiving is half the healing.” (Unknown)